Serious Falling In Love

akaFila

butterscotch love
I absolutely disagree. I feel like the "friendzone" exist purely for men to place THEMSELVES in when women whom they're close too deny any romantic advances. There's nothing wrong with that. It could exist, and if it doesn't I wouldn't call it the 'friend zone' as much as the "she has a right to not date you just because you treat her nice" zone
The right to not date you just because you treat her nice? So the 'friendzone' is just a label for the guys that aren't assholes to women?

lol Don't think that reason is because that friendship blocked off any romantic interest? That they may have grown close enough to consider themselves "brother/sister" and starting anything following such is too awkward to bother?
 

Tera Melos

Banned deucer.
Many Men, Myself included, Have gotten romantic with women we've been close with for years.

There's no "Friend Zone". It's an excuse that men who feel entitled to a woman they devoted time to use. That's where I'll leave this, since we're apparently not going to agree that women have a right to reject / deny a man who treats them right of romance / sex.
 

Akai

Indeed akai is either a mom or 50
is a Social Media Contributor Alumnus
Many Men, Myself included, Have gotten romantic with women we've been close with for years.

There's no "Friend Zone". It's an excuse that men who feel entitled to a woman they devoted time to use. That's where I'll leave this, since we're apparently not going to agree that women have a right to reject / deny a man who treats them right of romance / sex.
Totally aggre if you like a girl/man and you stay in the corner to see what's happen the result will be he or she will find someone else because you don't know how to cross the line between friendshipe and relationship...

if ur in the friend zone that just means ur not hot enough for her to want u
Lmao, it's just mean you need an excuse to your non courage to ask her/him for a date. That's all every girls I liked I asked her for a date and nothing else I wanted to be with her as a BF not as a friend.
 

Tera Melos

Banned deucer.
Totally aggre if you like a girl/man and you stay in the corner to see what's happen the result will be he or she will find someone else because you don't know how to cross the line between friendshipe and relationship...
Exactly, if you don't know how to cross the line into a relationship, it's your own fault not hers/his. I'm really tired of seeing men pull this shit. "She won't Date / Sleep with me, what a cunt. I would treat her so fucking good." Okay but dating someone / sleeping with someone shouldn't be a requirement to "treating them so fucking good.".
 

Akai

Indeed akai is either a mom or 50
is a Social Media Contributor Alumnus
Exactly, if you don't know how to cross the line into a relationship, it's your own fault not hers/his. I'm really tired of seeing men pull this shit. "She won't Date / Sleep with me, what a cunt. I would treat her so fucking good." Okay but dating someone / sleeping with someone shouldn't be a requirement to "treating them so fucking good.".
And sometimes to cross that line you need to take some risks, no pain, no gain that's all.
 

akaFila

butterscotch love
That's really steering away from the matter of the friendzone being a thing. No one is saying "She won't let me in her pants? Let me slap a friendzone label on this to make it look better" or "Fuck I'm scared to make a move, guess I'm friendzoned"

Literally one person is looking for a romantic advance while the other prefers a platonic relationship. It's not an excuse for anything, it's just what it is. You're being denied a sexual relationship because the partner in question is locked in on remaining friends.
 
Alright we're done with this line of discussion because we're getting off track. For one reason or another friend zone has become emotionally charged rhetoric that means different things to different people. Some are entitled, some scared, others have a poor sense of timing, others still are rejected for some simple reason or circumstance. The issue is more complicated than any one interpretation and context is relevant; as someone who has pursued multiple relationships with friends with varying degrees of success I can attest to that. Move on.
 
Speaking as someone who has fallen in love and is a big nerd I can tell you that it is something that can for the most part be only experienced and not easily explained. It’s one thing to be hard crushing on a girl in your uni class, it’s another thing to have those feelings reciprocated. However, it’s a whole other thing for it to go somewhere and to have an actual chemistry between each other and be able to spend several hours without it getting dry or have a conversation.

It was the happiest time of my life and yet I can tell you that it was blinding me away from the fact that she was a hardcore catholic and that it wasn’t going to work out. And in the end I didn’t take the breakup well at all like most people don’t take their first breakup. Such is life; anyway, that’s my story. Sorry if things aren’t working out for you OP
 

ant

⭐️⭐️⭐️
is a Site Content Manager Alumnusis a Battle Simulator Admin Alumnusis a Senior Staff Member Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Top Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
Honestly, I never thought I’d post here. I’ve been in other relationships, but for the first time in forever I feel like I've found the true meaning of falling in love. I’ve never been so happy and for once, I’ve found someone that is willing to reciprocate and that knows that a relationship is made of two parts. We don’t get to see each other much, sadly, but I feel like that’s a non-issue because we will work it out against all odds. He knows me and understands me, and we’ve learned to balance our differences and similarities to complement each other.

For those who are afraid of talking to others, I encourage you to do so. You’ll go through rejections and heartbreaks. And it will hurt like hell, but it will also lead you to something better, whether it’s a relationship, a crush, new friendships, not to mention you’ll also find new feelings that you haven’t encountered yet and you’ll learn things about yourself. :heart:
 

Taylor

i am alien
is a Top Team Rater Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
I hate falling in love because the fear of it coming to an end is always on the back of my mind. It can be the greatest feeling you'll ever experience but at the same time, the pain that comes with it is equally hurtful and damaging to the point it can be unbearable. The times I felt "in love" were unique and nothing like anything before but when it was lost, so was I.

It's like a drug/hobby of yours: I love weed so much but when I smoke up, I can't stand it because it is gone and what feelings I had when smoking it are replaced with loss and sadness. =[
 

A

Joker fan
is a Smogon Discord Contributor Alumnus
I don't generally post here but I wanted to express these thoughts.

Not gonna lie.

I've been in that "best friend" cliche situation and I got my hopes absolutely trampled. That's all fine now though, that was a while back, and she's in good hands rn. I did believe in the friend zone at first, but realistically I was just being petty and bitter so I stopped believing in that shortly after.

Last year I was also really keen on trying for someone, but I've messed up quite a few more times than I want to admit. Definitely did not deserve them though.

Ever since that, I've pretty much stopped trying and instead to focus on rebuilding my self and improving what I am. Although I gotta say, with couples flaunting around my vicinity left and right, it does invoke the emotion of longing, but I guess that's how the cookie crumbles.
 

lighthouses

Inordinary
is a Tiering Contributor
Ever since that, I've pretty much stopped trying and instead to focus on rebuilding my self and improving what I am. Although I gotta say, with couples flaunting around my vicinity left and right, it does invoke the emotion of longing, but I guess that's how the cookie crumbles.
:blobthumbsup:
 

Taylor

i am alien
is a Top Team Rater Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
I know friends who sleep with different women on a weekly basis and they sometimes wish they were alone. I think it is because loneliness itself can hurt but not as much as the feeling of loss like I mentioned earlier, so I say work on yourself a and they will either come into your life or not. After all if they want to, they will.
 

akaFila

butterscotch love
Don't know if it's been brought up in this thread at some point;

Opinions on long distance relationships? If they are doable / doomed to fail? Pros & Cons?
 
Don't know if it's been brought up in this thread at some point;

Opinions on long distance relationships? If they are doable / doomed to fail? Pros & Cons?
The only long distance relationships I've seen work out in my friend circles are the ones where one party is willing to pay through the nose to fly out every chance they get.

I had the opportunity out of college to continue a relationship as a long distance one but I didn't go for it. I'm particularly bad at keeping up contact with people for the sake of doing so.

But yeah they're doable it just sucks at first, you have to like your partner enough to really put the effort in.
 

Lou

going solo
is a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
I often to look for someone who have similar likes to mines, because it is quite easier to bring a topic to talk about and thus the conversation doesn't get fuck up that quickly.
 
Opinions on long distance relationships? If they are doable / doomed to fail? Pros & Cons?
Long-distance relationships are incredibly taxing. I've seen them fail, but I've also seen them work occasionally. I think the biggest issue is that some people start off the relationship as long distance since they meet someone at the end of high school but end up going to different colleges. At that point, the people in the relationship don't have much to go on. The first moments of the relationship involve getting to know the other person better, and it's very hard to do that without some kind of face-to-face contact. It also hurts to not be able to be physically there for someone as you end up removed from their daily life - you have to be told what happens in order to know.

Even with that said, I don't think long-distance relationships are doomed from the start; you just have to have a strong base already and a way to keep in contact as often as possible. The person that I knew who made it work had already known his girlfriend for a year, and they've been going strong for nearly 4 years now despite them being in two separate parts of the state.
 
I never felt anything that I can categorize as an 'infatuation', possibly because of a few things. For one, I beat up this girl when I was 4th grade in elementary school when my emotionally unstable self could not hold anger anymore, so I had a very negative mindset from then until some time in high school. Second, my relationship with my mother, which may seem okay from a third person's point of view, has been bad. Ever since my grandmother has collapsed and has been quite ill, she became more abrasive, and my time with her has been a struggle to not tell her that I dislike her as a hypocritical, bitter, and unmotivated parent. This emotion I have towards my mother is very likely keeping me from falling love to girls as well. Third, there were about three girls who confessed to me when I was in high school, but they only served to set my self further away from girls in general as I disliked all of them due to their overly immature ways to make to take an initiative with expressing their interest and unwillingness to comply to my simple terms; think about others before you act.

There has been a spark of change though, back when I was Junior. Academically, physically, and mentally, I was in a struggle, and I started feeling a little odd about this girl that I saw since Freshman year (for the sake of readability, I will refer her as "E"). E had same nationality and age as me and went to the same church with me, but we never mixed a word. From what I heard from conversations while walking by a few other girls, E was very shy. Because I have been introvert since middle school, I could understand how it feels to be introvert in public yet having to get things out of the chest when talking to close friends, or on the internet.

It was pretty odd to me to care about any girls in school to even that extent. E was in the cheerleader team, but she quit in a year and I honestly do not think she is pretty by any means. I just thought she is someone I can approach and get something out of. I wasn't even thinking about approaching her for my personal benefit, but I just thought it would be an opportunity to rather explore myself by spending time with someone who is so similar to me. Unfortunately for me, all I could do was sending her total of 3 skype messages throughout the entire year: the first one was making a shitty excuse to ask her the math homework pages that I already knew just to see how E would react, the second one was sending her congratulations for some major stuff happened to her during the year (that I will keep confidential for the sake of her anonymity), and the third message sending her a shy happy birthday.

Throughout the two years I saw E with a genuine interest, I still never felt any kind of ecstasy of excitement. I couldn't say anything to her in school, even on the day of the graduation where I could vaguely recognize her from the other row, where I could see E and E could see me as well by simply turning around. The day of the graduation was an end of my journey to try to learn more about E. Strangely for me, I was rather happy to let her go.

From this experience, I thought sometimes falling in love doesn't mean one gets attracted by how the other person looks or what they excel at doing. I felt that love is entirely possible without infatuation or knowing the other person for a long time, and it can also be formed simply by getting to know more about someone who you can see your reflection from and getting to cherish yourself more than before. Unlike most of the guys I knew in high school who desired to meet girls who were pretty, social, or smart, I think I had time for a different type of love. I loved E for two years for her being so much like me. If only I were at least brave enough to be a friend with E, we could perhaps work together to fix the flaws we share and build a good relationship by appreciating the strengths we commonly have.

Unfortunately for myself, I never had a chance to feel such emotion ever since. My mother is still bitter, girls in the university are quite untrustworthy as much as I distrust myself with remnants of my immaturity, and I have to focus on doing other things. It is unlikely that I will ever be interested in girls again, but I can confidently say that my brief attempt to see a reflection of myself from a girl made me feel better about myself and somewhat heal wounds from my grandmothers' illness, verbal fights with my parents, and demeaning thoughts about myself.
 

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