Top 10 Worst Pokémon to have as Christmas Party Guests
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Introduction
Office Christmas parties are typically a time for getting sloppy drunk on eggnog to the point of embarrassment and making out with the first person that will get under the mistletoe with you. We've all been there.
It's fun to think about partying with Pokémon; some would be real party monsters and fun to be around (can you imagine a Simisear drunk? Oh my god, how adorably sassy do you think it'd be?). However, there are some Pokémon that would just not be good party guests, and would probably fill the shoes of the obnoxious overly-drunk people everyone else is trying to avoid like the plague. Like the following:
10. Alakazam
Alakazam is that really weird, self-proclaimed "individual" with a pedo-mustache and a pair of spoons for that "just in case" moment. He's like a mixture of hipster and just plain weirdo douchebag. He's also extremely smart, but socially awkward to the point to where he can't carry on a real conversation without correcting people every step of the way, and he can't enjoy a joke because he thinks about it too logically. He'd also have a habit of spewing random trivia at awkward moments to try to fill the natural silence in between conversations. He's essentially the Pokémon embodiment of Great Sage. He would also be the super cocky, but actually talented, guy that just won't stop performing his lame magic tricks. "No, Alakazam, I do not want you to guess which card I had... yes, it was the 4 of hearts, can you please just let us dance some more?" But of course, he's too self-conscious to actually go and dance, and chooses to act like he doesn't need to dance in order to have a good time. He also has to bring his own drinks because it's usually something that nobody else ever has, but he can't share it with anyone either because it was really expensive and hard to come by. After losing the attention of a few people, he's the kind of guy that will take it too far and do a magic trick that would actually make someone disappear, or worse, attempt to saw someone in half for real.
9. Sableye
Sableye is the drunk prankster that tends to take his pranks a little too far. I'm talking stuff like Saran wrap on the toilet seat, vodka in the water, bubble wrapping peoples' cars, inconspicuously placed air horns; that kind of stuff. He's also basically addicted to his hand buzzer, so you can never really get too close to him without getting shocked. He just makes it kind of hard to enjoy yourself when he's around, because you can never really trust anything that he's been near. Not to mention he's constantly laughing to himself; you can't trust people like that.
Luckily, he's also the first one to get really drunk and will pass out in the corner of the room roughly 2 hours before people actually start to leave.
8. Hariyama
Hariyama would be fine at the party until he got drunk. Whether he's a happy drunk or a mean drunk, either one is just not going to be fun for the people around him. If he's a happy drunk, he's going to want to slap people on the back and touch everyone, which I can see ending badly when he hits someone through a wall or through the bar by accident. That, or crushes someone with a hug. I don't think I really need to explain what might happen if he turned out to be a mean drunk; he's going to want to fight, and I feel sorry for the poor soul that ends up inside his sumo ring. Not to mention that he's really tall, so he's going to end up knocking into the hanging Christmas decorations all night, and at some point just start ripping them from the ceiling.
7. Lickilicky
Lickilicky is that guy that's going to constantly be scoping out the food table, slowly but surely eating his feelings away. He's going to be the one to eventually finish off the whole table so that when you want to go back for some of those awesome snowman creampuffs, he's already eaten them all. He'll also probably not get too drunk, seeing as how all the food he's going to eat is just going to absorb it all. But you can rest assured that he'll finish off whatever anyone else doesn't finish.
He'll also probably get pretty creepy with that tongue of his later on in the night. Talk about a walking sexual harassment lawsuit.
6. Chatot
Chatot is the guy that isn't really annoying at first, but as the night wears on, he immediately jumps to the top of your next Christmas hit list. He's the guy that tends to just repeat EVERY SINGLE WORD that anybody says and then to laugh maniacally at the most minute kinda-funny details for the next hour. What's worse, he then takes the credit for everyone else's jokes and repeats them for the rest of the night.
On top of all that, he's the one that's constantly quoting the latest Tosh.0 or Dane Cook movie. Ugh, seriously, shoot me now.
5. Exploud
Unlike Chatot, this guy is annoying right from the get-go. He's the one that thinks everyone else in the vicinity is completely deaf, so he has to shout and bellow everything he says to make sure that everyone at the party heard him. He's so loud that at times you start paying attention to his stupid story about how he got two lady Loudred drunk the other night and totally banged them, instead of dancing and singing to "Gangnam Style" that just came on the playlist. He also has a propensity to belch or fart really loudly and then laugh at them like he just told the best joke on the planet.
4. Weezing/Muk
Speaking of farts and belches, these guys basically ruin anyone's night that is unfortunate enough to get really close to them. These are the guys that just straight up refuse to take a shower, wipe their butt, or brush their teeth; yet, they still think that they smell alright because they're cool guys, right? Wrong. Also, it's bad enough that they feel the need to smell abhorrent, but then they'll also feel the need to hit on every hot chick at the party because they know that they're sexy, they just have to convince the ladies that they are. There is just absolutely no amount of peppermint Febreze to mask the smell of these two guys.
3. Gothitelle
Keeping with the creeper theme, Gothitelle is that really super weird girl that sits in the corner of the room on the couch just staring at people. She absolutely refuses to get up and dance or partake in any reindeer games, and is content with just making snide comments about how the other girls are dressed so promiscuously. Soon she'll find a guy that she's interested in and just kinda stalk him for the rest of the night; never really noticeably, but enough so that it starts to weird the guy out and he leaves early for the sake of his safety.
Once he's gone she'll be content to just going back to her spot on the couch and starting the cycle all over again, though she'll occasionally check her phone to stalk the poor guy on Facebook, and add some of the photos she took of him while she was creeping behind the Christmas tree to Pinterest because she likes the way the reflection of the lights bounced off the baubles around him.
2. Jynx
The opposite of Gothitelle when it comes to boys, Jynx is extremely upfront and bold in getting her man. She's the one that will end up actually carrying the mistletoe around with her and refusing to leave anybody alone that's unfortunate enough to get within kissing range. She also takes sloppy drunk to a whole new level; let's just say you can be sure that there'll be a wardrobe malfunction or two with her around (I mean that bra is barely on as it is). The only good part about having her around would be her dancing skills, though she's a definite floor-hog, and if you thought ghetto-booty was at least mildly captivating at times, that has really nothing on Jynx's Shakira-shaming shimmying and hip swaying. Eventually, though, she'll disappear when she finds someone just as drunk as she is and gets him into the coatroom with her.
1. Hypno
And here we are at the worst Christmas party guest imaginable. I don't even know where to start with this guy. I guess I should start with the fact that he is a convicted child predator. Ugh, I can just see him showing up wearing a Santa hat and beard. Gross. That just takes creepy to a whole new level. Now that we have that out of the way, we can move on to the fact that he carries that pendulum with him everywhere he goes. The guy is a walking roofie. If Hypno ever shows up at any party you're at, be sure to keep a strong eye on him and don't let him get any girls (or guys for that matter) alone; before you know it, he'll have them under his spell and into his van.
Actually, who even invited him? Seriously, don't let him come near your party and punch out whoever told him about the party.
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