Judge A Pokémon: Hoenn's Bashful Beauties
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Welcome to yet another JAP, where we both examine and admire Pokémon designs. This time, we're covering some of the more stunning Mega Evolutions released during ORAS. We're joined by Antemortem, Aurora, Goddess Briyella, Danmire, and skylight. We'll be taking a break next issue, but after that we'll be back with a reformed outlook and panel. For now, though, let's enjoy the beautiful things we've come across while playing ORAS.
Mega Altaria
Don't get me wrong: I love Mega Altaria, but not necessarily for its appearance. Mega Altaria is really not all that different from Altaria. It gained some extra fluff… cloud… stuff, which is actually the opposite of what birds do as they age (but I guess Altaria is more of a Dragon, huh?) and a longer tail. In fact, it spawned a really unfortunate looking hat of cloud… fluff… stuff. Whatever. Anyway, it's not cute. Besides that, Mega Altaria is a really fun Pokémon to look at and use, and that's pretty much it. I mean, if one were to invite me to take a nap in its rear fluff (cloud? Seriously, what the HELL is that?), I wouldn't be opposed to it.
While Mega Diancie's sudden proliferation of one or two gems into many gems actually looks half-decent, Mega Altaria just looks really stupid. Is it cute? I suppose so, given that I automatically associate fluffy clouds (and fluffy things in general) with cuteness. This, however, is really lazy designing, and the end result is an absurdity—it's really similar to the appearances of the Mega Evolutions of the Eon duo. Changing Altaria's color a little bit, making it fatter, giving it a giant tail, and adding more clouds to the point of making it look like a flying, adorable cumulonimbus does not a creative, innovative design make, so to speak. I guess Altaria itself is a bit barebones and Game Freak was probably a bit hamstrung with design choices, but I still think something a bit more interesting could have been done (it's still really cute, though)!
Mega Altaria is, without doubt, the cutest Dragon-type in existence. Not only is it shrouded in adorable clouds of fluffy cotton, but its secondary Fairy typing makes it stand out among its fellow Dragons in a way that I don't think anyone was expecting before its inception if it were to get a Mega Evolution. It's also the only dual-type Pokémon in existence to have changed both types completely from its first stage to its Mega forme, as Swablu loses its Normal typing upon evolving into Altaria, and then it drops Flying for Fairy with the Altarianite. I wish I could cuddle with this thing forever; it would beat laying in bed for sure.
One thing I like about Altaria is that, behind that peaceful design of a songbird, it holds one of the most, if not the most, destructive typings in the game. While I was hoping for a more drastic change in its Mega forme, I am really glad they kept the overall theme of a peaceful and caring Pokémon. They "fluffed" it up a bit more, and I don't mean just the wings. They REALLY stuck with the fluffy design by giving it a gigantic mass of plumage protuding from its back. A nice little cloud-like hat was given to it, making it look extra adorable. Its wingspan has been extended greatly, almost getting inspiration from Articuno, another bird that shares a long, serene tail. Overall, a simplistic design, but I'm glad they stuck to the theme.
The forecast for Hoenn in ORAS is very cloudy. Mega Altaria could provide cloud cover for an entire continent if it really wanted. This is assuming that it has a never-ending supply of clouds, much like its distant Dragon-type relative, Druddigon, has a never-ending supply of ugliness. Mega Altaria has so much cloud covering it that you don't really know what Pokémon is underneath all the white. Altaria was a good design, but this Mega Evolution just goes a little too far. Mega Altaria would look good with a trim, but without one, I can't find myself ever finding Mega Altaria anything more than a show pony. The good news is that at least Mega Altaria still relatively resembles its original design, which is a lot more than I can say for other Mega Evolutions.
Mega Lopunny
While owning a Buneary was always a goal of mine, Lopunny always alluded me as anything of particular beauty, cuteness, or competitive value. However, the transition from Lopunny to its Mega counterpart is, despite the subtle difference in appearance, quite the good grace. Lopunny's ears always seemed like a distraction, but Mega Lopunny's ears are not only longer, but also knotted in places, which makes it a likely weapon for inducing blunt force trauma. Its new legs also remind me something of a kangaroo, because just looking at them gives me the impression I've just been socked in the face. Mega Lopunny probably isn't using its hands for much, as they're mostly covered in a dense fluff, but perhaps they're the dwelling of some age-old Criss Angel secrets. That all being said, Mega Lopunny hopefully won't find itself on the back end of the Rule 34 side of tumblr.
I think Mega Lopunny was created to tell the world that even the most feminine people (or Pokémon) have the potential to shatter gender roles by taking up things such as competitive mixed martial arts, which is a sporting discipline traditionally dominated by manly men. I can't tell you if that foray into social justice is going to succeed, but I can tell you that Mega Lopunny doesn't look all that terrible. It actually kind of reminds me of Ty Lee from The Last Airbender—dainty and cute, but still out to get you. I quite like the cute little tuft of fur on its forehead, which bears a striking resemblance to a butterfly, and what seem to be furry boots and gloves on its feet and "hands" make for an excellent fashion statement. It proves that you can fight in style.
When I heard Lopunny got a Mega Evolution, I was hoping for and expecting something really cute. However, when I finally saw what it looked like, I was highly disappointed and honestly upset. Game Freak took a cute, fluffy bunny and turned it something ghetto. I am really not a fan of this Mega Evolution of Lopunny, and I'd honestly rather it have no Mega Evolution at all if this is going to be it. I know some people think Game Freak attempted to make it into something slutty with the ripped stocking designs on its thighs and what have you, but I don't find it even remotely attractive. I don't know what the designers at Game Freak were thinking when they made this.
I LOVE Mega Lopunny's design. While not completely throwing away that look of a cute and risque Playbunny, it gets a theme of a fighter. Sporting what seems to be some sort of black fur leggings, its appearance is menacing to me, as if it is ready to give off a kick that can rival that of Blaziken's. A nice, rounded X-shaped tuft of fur is on its forehead, while its ears have become more slender, with some fur rings around them. Its arms have adopted a sort of "boxing glove fur" to show that kicking isn't the only thing it can kick your ass with. All in all, this is a very cool design, not swaying too much from the theme, but still showing something fresh. On a side note, it reminds me very much of eighties aerobics fashion.
Lopunny's Mega upgrade seemed the most necessary out of all the Mega Evolutions. It was enjoyed a little too much by the wrong demographic, so the Mega Evolution actually shows that bunnies can be badass, too! Sure, we have Diggersby, but he's a dude. We needed a cool female bunny for all the little girls to look up to and want to become like, because everyone wants to grow up and become bunnies… when they are five. For the rest of us, it's just nice to see that Lopunny can be something more than a sex symbol and a legitimate threat instead. Bunnies are really soft, though, so chances are you won't really be hurt by it, but hey, at least the thought counts.
Mega Audino
Mega Audino has a charm that captivates many at first sight because it's… quite a sight itself. It has popped on a cute skirt, has elegant tassels hanging from its ears, a pair of stunning rubies for eyes, and some winged legs reminiscent of the Messenger of the Gods. The latter doesn't attest to its beauty, but it's at least cool. OH, IT'S ALSO GOT A DAMN CUTE, PUFFY TAIL. Every Neko mangaka knows that adding a squishy tail to drool over will always do the audience some good. Joey Tribiani probably wouldn't hesitate for a second to strike up a conversation with this little lady. Unfortunately, Mega Audino doesn't have very much going for it aside from its appearance, so it'll benefit from not snipping its dad's credit cards.
Ugh. I suppose I have to write a little bit more than that, but "ugh" sums up how I feel about Mega Audino very well. It's an abomination of a Pokémon, and given that I was never a fan of stock Audino's appearance, this really arouses the worst in me. Imagine an angel that did something wrong and was forced to spend the rest of its days as a fat beast, retaining some angelic traits while morphing into some red-eyed Blissey knockoff (sans egg). That's Mega Audino. With curved, long feelers that look more like freakish insect antenna, spirals all over it, wings sprouting both from its head and body, and some thing coming off its hand (or chest?) that reminds me of one of those 'As Seen On TV' dusters, this is the worst Mega Evolution I have ever seen. Ugh.
Moving on to actually acceptable Mega Evolutions, Mega Audino is a rather unexpected addition, being the only Unova Pokémon to receive a Mega Evolution (so far) and being clearly one of the least competitively relevant Pokémon of that era (things like Ferrothorn and Excadrill were totally overlooked). Anyway, all that aside, Mega Audino is sexy. The pink it gains with its Mega stone and the cute little heel things on its feet are enough to make me appreciate something that was already adorable to begin with. Too bad its ability is horrible in single battles, though&ellip; losing Regenerator really sucks for Audino, and the great bulk it gains from Mega Evolving can only compensate so much for that.
I've normally been saying that I enjoy simple Mega Evolutions that add a little something extra or bring out a whole new theme without completely messing up the design, so Mega Audino really gave me something interesting to look at. Its design is not OVERLY complex, just lighter on the pink side, almost a cream to it. It's sort of becoming more animalistic, giving it a more visible fluffy tail and having the ears pointed. Mostly a change in color and maybewardrobe, this sort of goes along with Mega Altaria. Nothing too dramatic, but it fits and I'm happy with it.
I really have no words for Mega Audino. It looks so formal, so refined, so… ugly. It legitimately looks like the early 1900s. It looks like Audino aged 60 years instead of only two. Why did you do this to us? Why would you subject us to a Pokémon that looked so wrong? Although, looking at Audino, I can kind of see an old man in its design. The pink jacket that doesn't fit anymore, the reading glasses, the faded beard, and… suddenly I dislike Audino's design even more. In a way, I guess this makes me feel worse about grinding on it for EXP, especially if both forms resemble an old couple that have passed their use by date. Time to whisper new campaign ideas to Team Plasma!
Mega Diancie
Diancie had very little going on, so it's kind of awkward for it to Mega Evolve into Mega Diancie, because Mega Diancie, on the other hand, has so much going on. At first, I was convinced that "weird rock with a quartz helmet" became "weird rock wearing a dress," but it only took a matter of actually using Mega Diancie in-game to convince me otherwise. It's really beautiful. It's really, really stunning. Somehow, its unappealing stone body became a large collection of some white mineral underneath its dress, and its pink crystals enveloped most of its body so now it shimmers brilliantly and even hovers, letting extraneous crystals float beneath it to boot. It resembles a queen figure to me. Unfortunately for Mega Diancie, it has succumbed to T-Rex syndrome, so its arms are of a… not very intimidating length. Queen Diancie won't be doing very much knighting in its time, I presume.
Despite the fact that Mega Evolutions are always much stronger than stock Pokémon, I've always imagined Mega Evolution to be a difficult process that takes a great, if temporary, physical toll on Pokémon subjected to it. Given this, I don't want to know how difficult it was for tiny little Diancie to suddenly sprout what resembles a wedding dress made out of pretty gems and stones from its little rock in the process of becoming Mega Diancie. It's obviously a labor of love, though, because Mega Diancie doesn't look too awful. I like the heart-shaped gem on its forehead, and the dress itself is pretty ornate. I suppose you could say the dress "rocks!" I have no idea what those pale yellow things around its body are meant to be, however. They seem a little out of place.
Another unexpected Mega Evolution, as Diancie is the only XY Pokémon to get one (so far). As far as its appearance goes, I am honestly torn; I cannot decide whether Mega Diancie is really adorable or just a creepy demon thing covered in pink crystals in a desperate attempt to hide how ugly it actually is. Stop focusing on all the glitter and sparkles and look at its eyes for a second and you might see where I'm coming from. Ehh, yea it just makes me uncomfortable in general.
From a distance, Mega Diancie is really a sight to see. Its overall design is neat and appealing to the eye, and its design just speaks a sense of nobility and regality. Its pink crystals form a sort of chandelier around the silky dress. Its forehead crystal has become a rounded heart, with other protruding crystals around it, showing a very prominent crown-like formation. A very nice and pretty design, Mega Diancie is one Mega Evolution that is on top of there as one of my all-time favorites.
I've never seen a Pokémon more beautiful than Mega Diancie. I wish they put as much effort into other Mega Evolutions as they did with Mega Diancie. Mega Diancie seems like the matured version of Diancie, whereas Diancie is just like: "nah I'm gonna rebel while I'm young yolo 420." Mega Diancie sort of reminds me of Sailor Moon (don't judge, you all watched it growing up ok) because she seemed so clumsy and didn't really know of what her powers were capable of doing. Now it's like she's the princess; she's the one you don't fuck with. That pretty much describes Diancie's transformation based purely on design. Without even seeing the movie (Diancie and the Cocoon of Destruction), I can tell that Mega Diancie means business.
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