Hello! I noticed that there was never a Smog article specifically about mustaches on Pokemon, so I'd to make one happen. Here is everything I've jotted down so far; I apologize for it being wordier than a basic outline...
I'll have to come up with more ridiculous things to write about the Pokemon who have shorter entries right now. Also I will probably look up some French phrases and sprinkle them in as appropriate?
I can happily illustrate this article and make all of the featured Pokemon look classy, or another artist can do that. :D
(Also, I labeled this under Other Features, but on second thought it ought to be Entertainment D:)
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Possible article title: "I mustache you to come back after you are more stylish"
(if that's too long... "You Mustache About Stylishness" or some other ridiculous pun could work.)
Some of us are having trouble getting into the fashionable Lumiose Boutique. While everyone else is busy grooming their Furfrou in weak attempt to seem stylish, the most refined of us know which Pokemon are the real deal. Those of you looking to be fabulous beyond Lumiose standards, look no further: I hereby present you with a list of the Best Pokemon with Mustaches.
MAIN ARTICLE (ten Pokemon in some sort of order (probably National PokeDex number?))
ALAKAZAM
Kadabra was the first amazingly mustached Pokemon discovered. And when its evolution was brought to light... ABRACADABRA! Alakazam is like the epitome of mustaches. When you Mega-evolve it, it becomes, like, the GOD of mustaches. Maybe it suddenly gained a couple hundred years in age, I dunno. It also gained a bunch of spoons. Maybe spoons correlate with mustache awesomeness? Start equipping all your non-Alakazam Pokemon with Twisted Spoons, guys!
HOW TO OBTAIN: Train your Abra to level 16 to evolve into Kadabra, then trade with a fashionable trainer to release the full power of fashionability! Make sure whoever it is gives your Alakazam back, though. Otherwise, you can go on GTS and trade your Kadabra with any of the other Kadabra offered. Pro tip: Don't trade with the Alakazite attached.
SWALOT
Swalot is the long-lost cousin of Muk who went on a trip to Lumiose for two generations and is now a permanent resident of Kalos. Since he has been pampered so much, his stats are pretty subpar compared to Muk, but what really matters is the sweater vest and the mustache. He's also developed a taste for PokePuffs and a huge variety of berry cocktails. Tres bien!
I mean, even Team Flare grunts keep their own Swalot, and they seek to make a beautiful world (or at least that's what they say)! That pretty much sums up how awesome Swalot is.
o,3,o Swalotface.
HOW TO OBTAIN: Gulpin are available on Route 4. In grass. In purple flowers. In hordes. It's literally swarming, actually. Take the opportunity and catch one (or a dozen)!
If you're too lazy to catch Gulpin and train them, just grab some Swalot in Friend Safari. Only in select Poison type safaris! (Now you know why you must choose your friends carefully.)
WALREIN
This is like the Santa Claus of Pokemon (go away, Delibird)! What other Ice type has a silver mustache-beard-thing so glamourous? Well, Abomasnow might, but it surely isn't as fluffy as Walrein's!
HOW TO OBTAIN: Spheal is available in select Ice type Friend Safaris. Turn on Exp Share and grind; Walrein evolves from Sealeo at level 44.
KRICKETUNE
You can collect all ten million forms of Vivillon and still be a crude bug-catcher. With a Pokemon like Kricketune, however, no one can mistake you for culturally unrefined.
HOW TO OBTAIN: Pokebank, Wonder Trade, or GTS magic. It evolves from Kricketot at level 10 so it shouldn't be a problem to train, right?
PROBOPASS
He's just like Mr. Potato, free compass included. Try having a staring contest with this guy.
Note: does not come with accessories.
HOW TO OBTAIN: Nosepass are available in hordes near Geosenge; simply spam Sweet Scent until you find one you like. (Sweet Scent should be particularly effective on these Pokemon, as they have a superior sense of smell; they're NOSEpass afterall.) Name him Mr. Fabulous. Then, turn on your Exp Share and fight Dugtrio/Gible/Trapinch near the Power Plant. Voila!
SAMUROTT
Who would've guessed little Oshawott to grow up so stylishly? (Compare to Tepig and Snivy; teh pig ends up as another boaaaaaaring (haha, I'm so funny!) Fire/Fighting final evolution, and Serperior doesn't even have viable arms.)
HOW TO OBTAIN: Pokebank, or GTS magic. Maybe even Wonder Trade!
STOUTLAND
This one's mustache is so incredible, it drags on the floor when he walks. Furfrou is nothing compared to this. Can you say "top dog?"
HOW TO OBTAIN: Lillipup can be obtained in select Normal Safaris.
JELLICENT M
He must be a ladies' man. Imagine all the Jellicent F, and all the Milotic, and all the Gorebyss (are they even in the same Egg Group?) just swimming around it as it floats lazily in the glittering waters... How can Prof. Sycamore even compare? In fact, the professor must be positively JELLY of it (ha!).
HOW TO OBTAIN: Pokebank, Wonder Trade, or GTS magic. Make sure it's the right gender! It should be blue (or aqua green, if it's shiny).
TORNADUS/THUNDURUS/LANDORUS
These legendary mustaches are retained even in Therian form.
HOW TO OBTAIN: Pokebank, or high level GTS magic...unless you have insane Wonder Trade luck (or some insane person released their legendaries ahahaha)
FROAKIE
Froakie is the cute Water-type starter offered in Kalos; I mean, look at those cute little puffs! Kalos revolves around style and fashion, so that has to mean great potential for Froakie, right? I mean, if it follows in the footsteps of the great Samurott...
Greninja's utter lack of mustache is the biggest disappointment of Generation VI.
HOW TO OBTAIN: It might've been your starter. If not, jump into Wonder Trade. It's basically a Bunnelby/Fletchling/Froakie plague out there. Equip with an Everstone or repeatedly stab the B button, because once it evolves it loses that swag.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Cryogonal
We're not sure if that's a mustache or drool or what?
Gyarados, Whiscash
These are whiskers, but they might be considered mustaches. The mustache is the best aspect of Magikarp, other than Splash.
Beartic
That's frozen snot, isn't it?
Arcanine
Honestly I consider it a mane and mane =/= mustache but ehhhhh
RODAN
I'll have to come up with more ridiculous things to write about the Pokemon who have shorter entries right now. Also I will probably look up some French phrases and sprinkle them in as appropriate?
I can happily illustrate this article and make all of the featured Pokemon look classy, or another artist can do that. :D
(Also, I labeled this under Other Features, but on second thought it ought to be Entertainment D:)
------------------------------------------------
Possible article title: "I mustache you to come back after you are more stylish"
(if that's too long... "You Mustache About Stylishness" or some other ridiculous pun could work.)
Some of us are having trouble getting into the fashionable Lumiose Boutique. While everyone else is busy grooming their Furfrou in weak attempt to seem stylish, the most refined of us know which Pokemon are the real deal. Those of you looking to be fabulous beyond Lumiose standards, look no further: I hereby present you with a list of the Best Pokemon with Mustaches.
MAIN ARTICLE (ten Pokemon in some sort of order (probably National PokeDex number?))
ALAKAZAM
Kadabra was the first amazingly mustached Pokemon discovered. And when its evolution was brought to light... ABRACADABRA! Alakazam is like the epitome of mustaches. When you Mega-evolve it, it becomes, like, the GOD of mustaches. Maybe it suddenly gained a couple hundred years in age, I dunno. It also gained a bunch of spoons. Maybe spoons correlate with mustache awesomeness? Start equipping all your non-Alakazam Pokemon with Twisted Spoons, guys!
HOW TO OBTAIN: Train your Abra to level 16 to evolve into Kadabra, then trade with a fashionable trainer to release the full power of fashionability! Make sure whoever it is gives your Alakazam back, though. Otherwise, you can go on GTS and trade your Kadabra with any of the other Kadabra offered. Pro tip: Don't trade with the Alakazite attached.
SWALOT
Swalot is the long-lost cousin of Muk who went on a trip to Lumiose for two generations and is now a permanent resident of Kalos. Since he has been pampered so much, his stats are pretty subpar compared to Muk, but what really matters is the sweater vest and the mustache. He's also developed a taste for PokePuffs and a huge variety of berry cocktails. Tres bien!
I mean, even Team Flare grunts keep their own Swalot, and they seek to make a beautiful world (or at least that's what they say)! That pretty much sums up how awesome Swalot is.
o,3,o Swalotface.
HOW TO OBTAIN: Gulpin are available on Route 4. In grass. In purple flowers. In hordes. It's literally swarming, actually. Take the opportunity and catch one (or a dozen)!
If you're too lazy to catch Gulpin and train them, just grab some Swalot in Friend Safari. Only in select Poison type safaris! (Now you know why you must choose your friends carefully.)
WALREIN
This is like the Santa Claus of Pokemon (go away, Delibird)! What other Ice type has a silver mustache-beard-thing so glamourous? Well, Abomasnow might, but it surely isn't as fluffy as Walrein's!
HOW TO OBTAIN: Spheal is available in select Ice type Friend Safaris. Turn on Exp Share and grind; Walrein evolves from Sealeo at level 44.
KRICKETUNE
You can collect all ten million forms of Vivillon and still be a crude bug-catcher. With a Pokemon like Kricketune, however, no one can mistake you for culturally unrefined.
HOW TO OBTAIN: Pokebank, Wonder Trade, or GTS magic. It evolves from Kricketot at level 10 so it shouldn't be a problem to train, right?
PROBOPASS
He's just like Mr. Potato, free compass included. Try having a staring contest with this guy.
Note: does not come with accessories.
HOW TO OBTAIN: Nosepass are available in hordes near Geosenge; simply spam Sweet Scent until you find one you like. (Sweet Scent should be particularly effective on these Pokemon, as they have a superior sense of smell; they're NOSEpass afterall.) Name him Mr. Fabulous. Then, turn on your Exp Share and fight Dugtrio/Gible/Trapinch near the Power Plant. Voila!
SAMUROTT
Who would've guessed little Oshawott to grow up so stylishly? (Compare to Tepig and Snivy; teh pig ends up as another boaaaaaaring (haha, I'm so funny!) Fire/Fighting final evolution, and Serperior doesn't even have viable arms.)
HOW TO OBTAIN: Pokebank, or GTS magic. Maybe even Wonder Trade!
STOUTLAND
This one's mustache is so incredible, it drags on the floor when he walks. Furfrou is nothing compared to this. Can you say "top dog?"
HOW TO OBTAIN: Lillipup can be obtained in select Normal Safaris.
JELLICENT M
He must be a ladies' man. Imagine all the Jellicent F, and all the Milotic, and all the Gorebyss (are they even in the same Egg Group?) just swimming around it as it floats lazily in the glittering waters... How can Prof. Sycamore even compare? In fact, the professor must be positively JELLY of it (ha!).
HOW TO OBTAIN: Pokebank, Wonder Trade, or GTS magic. Make sure it's the right gender! It should be blue (or aqua green, if it's shiny).
TORNADUS/THUNDURUS/LANDORUS
These legendary mustaches are retained even in Therian form.
HOW TO OBTAIN: Pokebank, or high level GTS magic...unless you have insane Wonder Trade luck (or some insane person released their legendaries ahahaha)
FROAKIE
Froakie is the cute Water-type starter offered in Kalos; I mean, look at those cute little puffs! Kalos revolves around style and fashion, so that has to mean great potential for Froakie, right? I mean, if it follows in the footsteps of the great Samurott...
Greninja's utter lack of mustache is the biggest disappointment of Generation VI.
HOW TO OBTAIN: It might've been your starter. If not, jump into Wonder Trade. It's basically a Bunnelby/Fletchling/Froakie plague out there. Equip with an Everstone or repeatedly stab the B button, because once it evolves it loses that swag.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Cryogonal
We're not sure if that's a mustache or drool or what?
Gyarados, Whiscash
These are whiskers, but they might be considered mustaches. The mustache is the best aspect of Magikarp, other than Splash.
Beartic
That's frozen snot, isn't it?
Arcanine
Honestly I consider it a mane and mane =/= mustache but ehhhhh
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