Unburden Sweeper Sneasler [QC 0/2]

[Go make a sandwitch]

[SET]
Unburden Sweeper (Sneasler) @ Grassy Seed
Ability: Unburden
Tera Type: Flying / Dark
EVs: 252 Atk / 4 Def / 252 Spe
Adamant Nature
- Swords Dance
- Dire Claw / Gunk Shot
- Close Combat
- Acrobatics / Throat Chop

[SET COMMENTS]
Thanks to its combination of great attack and good speed coupled with Unburden, Sneasler proves itself to be a ferocious late game sweeper. Dire Claw or Gunk Shot and Close Combat are its main attacking moves, with the former handling Zacian-H and Clefable while the latter deals with Arceus-Dark, Chi-Yu and Kingambit, Swords Dance boosts its attack, and the last spot is for coverage; Acrobatics gains power when losing an item, which is the whole point of an unburden user, and Lash Out hits the many Psychic and Ghost types in the tier like Mewtwo, Solgaleo, Deoxys, and Giratina for super-effective damage. EVs and Nature aim to maximize its attacking power, since Unburden is easily activated through the Grassy Seed and Grassy Terrain. Tera Types are to boost the power of its coverage options, while also having some defensive utility; Tera Flying lets you be immune to Ground-type attacks from users like Great Tusk and Landorus-Incarnate, and Tera Dark lets you be immune to Psychic-type attacks from Mewtwo and Slowking-Galar. Sneasler appreciates Rillaboom who fills multiple roles that benefit it at the same time; it sets up Grassy Terrain to begin with, alongside being a slow pivot like Solgaleo, and a priority user like Palafin. Sneasler also needs absorbers for Paralysis, so Pokemon like Great Tusk and Arceus-Electric will be important for it to switch out to.

[SET CREDITS]
Written by:
https://www.smogon.com/forums/members/go-make-a-sandwitch.275219/
Quality checked by:
https://www.smogon.com/forums/members/user3.102/
https://www.smogon.com/forums/members/user4.103/
Grammar checked by:
https://www.smogon.com/forums/members/user5.104/

 

[Go make a sandwitch]

Ready for QC.

 

[Bella]

Hey,
Unfortunately, in the current state this analysis is in, im going to have to QC Reject and request this be reassigned. As this is your second QC reject for this tier, to help you with the next time you write and help you explain why I'm QC rejecting this, I written a few bulletpoints that share my issues I found just from a short lookup.

• You are putting way, way too much Dex info into the analysis. We do not need a line on CC, nor do we need one on Swords Dance. Even if that was the case, they should be in order when they are not. Im OK with giving a line to Gunk and Dire Claw, but you need to explain why Gunk Shot is slashed in the first place (Less consistent, but lets you achieve rolls like OHKOing Kyurem-W from full after a Swords Dance, for example.) We dont need to know how Acrobatics works as the reader would know what Acrobatics does as well.
• Likewise, we don't need to have the EVs explained to us, we dont need 252 / 4 / 252 EVs explained.
• Many parts of this analysis are very fillery, for example "which is the whole point of an unburden user" and "EVs and Nature aim to maximize its attacking power, since Unburden is easily activated through the Grassy Seed and Grassy Terrain."
• Theres many spelling errors. Unburden always should be capitalized. We don't use second person pronouns like "you" in an analysis. Stick to the name of the Pokemon or say "it"
• Likewise, I would not say Rillaboom is a partner Sneasler "appreciates", its a Pokemon Sneasler is REQUIRED to have on its team if it wants to proc Unburden.
• The teammates section feels very barebones. Wheres the mention on Pokemon like Chi-Yu and Gambit who can take on Giratina Sneasler is otherwise helpless against if its not Throat Chop? Wheres the mention on pivots to get Sneasler in safely?
• You ALWAYS use the sample set on the smogdex as the set for the analysis unless its otherwise specified by QC. Theres no mention of Tera Ghost and Shadow Claw anywhere here.

Any proper QC by a QC member would just basically be a full on rewrite. So unfortunately this is going to have to be shelved.
Btw, the goal of this isn't to stop you from writing completely. Its great to see new writers and I don't want to scare you away from writing again. The point of this is hopefully, by reading more into the guidelines for analyses (and looking into examples of published ones, preferably ones about Ubers UU) we can see enough improvement for you to reserve sets in the future. I wish you the best of luck on your future writing endeavors.