CAP 28 - Part 13 - Pokedex Submissions

[Mx]

CAP 28 So Far

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Legal Pokedex submissions must meet the following standards

• Species Names cannot be over 13 characters.
• Pokedex Entries must have flawless grammar. Smogon has a Grammar & Prose team that will help identify mistakes.
• Pokedex Entries cannot be longer than 32 words and cannot be over 156 characters.
• Pokedex Entries can only contain the following characters:
  • Letters A-Z
  • Numbers 0-9
  • Dash (-)
  • Apostrophe (')
  • Double quote (")
  • Period (.)
  • Comma (,)
  • Colon (:)
  • Semi-colon (;)
  • Space

Work In Progress (WIP) Pokedex Entries can be posted at any time for comments from the community.

No more than three WIP Pokedex Entries can be posted by any individual person through the entire course of the submission thread. This limit applies to ALL posts made by a single person, even if previous posts are edited or deleted. This limit is intended to curb the tendency for some submitters to spam the thread repeatedly with multiple Pokedex Entries. This detracts from other submissions and makes it difficult for commenters to survey the submission thread.

Do not bump your WIP Pokedex Entries by posting them repeatedly, or making minor wording changes. Bumping will result in the disqualification of all Pokedex Entries by the offender. Editing or deleting bump posts will not prevent disqualification.

Only ONE Final Submission can be made per person.

Pokedex entries Final Submissions must posted exactly in the following format and in the following exact order:

• The first line of the post must have the words "Final Submission" in bold on its own line. No other text may be included before the bold heading.
• A blank line
• "<Pokémon Name>, the <Species Name> Pokémon", with the Pokemon name and the Species Name in bold
• A blank line
• The Sword Pokedex Entry submission. Start with the letters "Sword" in bold, then a colon (:), and then the Pokedex entry.
• A blank line
• The Shield Pokedex Entry submission. Start with the letters "Shield" in bold, then a colon (:), and then the Pokedex entry.

Below the Final Submission you can post other comments, explanations, etc.

Example final submission:

Final Submission

Dragapult, the Stealth Pokémon

Sword: When it isn't battling, it keeps Dreepy in the holes on its horns. Once a fight starts, it launches the Dreepy like supersonic missiles.

Shield: Apparently the Dreepy inside Dragapult's horns eagerly look forward to being launched out at Mach speeds.

Any Final Submission that does not follow the proper format will be disqualified.

 

[BitBitio]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Bombardier Pokémon

Sword: Miasmaw are highly territorial, and will aggressively assault any invaders with its gaping maw and brutal force.

Shield: Thanks to their incredible vision, Miasmaw can snipe even small targets at a significant range with their powerful jaw cannons.

feedback welcome

 

[dex]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Dragon Bluff Pokémon

Sword: When it encounters a threat, Miasmaw will raise its tail and expel a noxious gas to frighten and disorient opponents.

Shield: Though its powerful tail may seem frightening, Miasmaw primarily uses it for burrowing, not eating.

 

[aaronarium]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Fumigation Pokémon

Sword: The gas that spills from its tail is inert, but its tendency to displace oxygen is deadly. This makes Miasmaw the mascot of many gas leak PSAs.

Shield: In combat, Miasmaw blasts foes with gas, then swiftly gores them with its tail. But since it's so top-heavy, these maneuvers cause frequent pratfalls.

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Sword entry is 27 words and 143 characters, Shield entry is 24 words and 151 characters, so they should both be legal. I like the species name of "the Fumigation Pokemon", since fumigation is sort of associated with bugs (extermination). Plus since the ability is Neutralizing Gas, I was thinking it would make more sense for the gas to be inert rather than noxious. LMK if anyone has suggestions or eyes a grammatical error, otherwise I feel like this is what I'll end up submitting.

 

[Ehmcee]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Dragon Maw Pokémon

Sword: They hunt alone, using the gas expelled from it's large maw to neutralise smaller bug-type Pokémon and bring them back to it's youth.

Shield: Their nest is digged underground by two adult Miasmaw, looking inside one is not recommended, due to the dangerous fumes inside.

Sword Entry is 24 words and 140 characters, while shield is 22 words and 136 characters.

It's nest making habits are mainly based on the nests of scorpions, which are usually buried underground, or under rocks.

 

[Hera]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Neutralizing Pokémon

Sword: When threatened, the gas expelled from a Miasmaw's tail can neutralize a person for days. Side effects tend to last much longer.

Shield: The tail of Miasmaw grows and shrivels as the Miasmaw ages. When it can no longer expel gas, it dangerously builds up within its system.

Wanted to touch upon the tail of Miasmaw in these two entries. I like the more realistic and kinda dark dex entries the most, so I wanted that to be reflected in these two.

 

[MrDollSteak]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Mock Jaw Pokémon

Sword: Its fearsome set of jaws is actually a stinger that has evolved to better catch prey. It is strong enough to tear a dump truck to pieces.

Shield: This Pokémon emits a potent, noxious gas from its jaws to paralyze its foes. It is able to spray a moving target from over a mile away!

Its sword entry is heavily inspired by Mawile. Trucks have been previously referenced by Hariyama, Machoke and Loudred too.

 

[aaronarium]

M24 Heracross2.0 the use of "neutralizing" in both your Sword entries don't really make sense. It's not a synonym for 'incapacitate' or 'de-age'.

Which as an aside, M24, I feel like the 'de-age' affect you describe of the gas comes out of nowhere. Additionally, both "it's" in the Sword entry are the wrong it's (should be its), but they should both be "their" anyway since you introduced Miasmaw in the third person plural. "Maw" should become "maws" for the same reason. The B in "bug-type" should be capitalized too. For the Shield entry, "nest is" should be "nests are" since again you introduced Miasmaw in the third person plural. While "digged" is technically grammatically correct, it's obsolete and off-putting, so you should replace it with "dug". Also, the Shield entry is a big run-on sentence. Add a sentence break between "Miasmaw" and ", looking" to remedy this.

Heracross2.0, both your entries are worded kind of weirdly. The Sword entry makes it sound like the gas itself is sapient and feels threatened. Furthermore, it feels a bit jarring to describe the gas's effect on people when you don't describe how someone might come in contact with it. Maybe replace "When threatened" with something like "If inhaled"? The Shield entry is mostly fine, but I think you can eliminate "grows and" entirely and it'll be fine since you only describe the effects of the tail shriveling. Otherwise, see if you can squeeze in a detail or two about what the gas side effects are, or what the dangers of having the gas build up are. Specificity is always good.

 

[Pinesmoke]

I think that M24 meant that it brings the bugs that it hunts back to feed its children. Using “young” instead of ”youth” would remove the ambiguity.

 

[Bice]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Dragon's Jaw Pokémon

Sword: It scares attackers with its dragon-like abdomen. Anything not intimidated by it is shot with a chemical compound that can melt titanium.

Shield: Its abdomen evolved to resemble a dragon in order to ward off predators. While fearsome in appearance, Miasmaw is actually quite docile by nature.

 

[Airwind]

WIP

Miasmaw, The Fume Pokémon

Sword: Miasmaw's fumes have a nourishing effect on plant life, and one of the uses of their fumes are to grow berries that they are fond of.

Shield: Miasmaw is used in fumigations taking care of plantations thanks to the natural gas they have eliminating plague of insects and thanks to the claws and tail protect it of bigger treats that can eat plants

 

[JJslem]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Fuming Jaw Pokémon

Sword: The fumes from Miasmaw's tail are very deadly, when its tail bites an opponent and the fumes leave a harsh rash around the bite mark, it must be treated quickly.

Shield: Miasmaw are very friendly Pokémon, but its tail has a mind of it's own and will ruthlessly attack anything in range. It is that said older Miasmaw can control there tail better.

Edit: These are very brutal entries O-O

 

[Slapperfish]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Gas Beetle Pokémon

Sword: The nerve cells in the false head on its abdomen give it a level of independence not seen in other Bug-types. Scientists once believed Miasmaw's abdomen housed a second brain.

Shield: It developed a false set of jaws to further deter bird Pokémon that could withstand its noxious gas. The weight of its abdomen makes it difficult to fly, however.

 

[aaronarium]

Bice

Fixes

- Both entries fine, just a small suggestion or two:
- Maybe use more specific word than "chemical compound", which seems a little jarring when we know Miasmaw spews gas.
- Feels a little odd to have the Shield entry mention docileness when the Sword entry talks about it's battle capabilities. Maybe tweak the wording or context?

Airwind

Fixes

- Capitalize and spell "Pokémon" with the accent
SWORD
- Add apostrophe to "Miasmaws"
- Big run-on sentence, add a sentence break between "plantlife," and "one"
- You start the sentence with "one of the uses", but have two predicates
- Erase "with their massive maw", its unnecessary.
- Too long. Even by eliminating the above phrase it's still above the character limit
- Add ending punctuation
SHIELD
- Has no punctuation at all and is a big run-on
- Too long
- Not to be mean but it kind of doesn't make sense. There are too many ideas at play and they don't flow into each other.
- Like "Miasmaw is used in fumigations (how?) taking care of plantations (unclear that the fumigations are happening to the plantations) thanks to the natural gas they have eliminating plague of insects (ungrammatical, unclear that their gas is what eliminates pests) and thanks to the claws and tail protect it of bigger treats that can eat plants (ungrammatical and an unneeded detail).

JJslem

Fixes

SWORD
- Decapitalize "Fumes"
- Wrong 'it's'
- Run-on sentence, so introduce breaks
- Too long
- Odd to say "it is said", but then describe what I'm assuming to be a fact and not a supposition
- Missing an "as" between "soon" and "possible"
SHIELD
- Wrong 'it's'
- Too long
- "human" should be plural
- Remember to spell "Pokémon" with the accent, even in the species name

 

[DrifblooomCF]

wip

Miasmaw, the Arsenal Pokémon

Sword: A nocturnal predator, attacks it's prey with either its giant maws, its poisonous gases or with blasts of draconic energy, adapting to the target's defences.

Shield: It's been around since over a million years ago, it requires a lot of food in order to maintain it's body, so it is very uncommon in the wild


i know nothing about english grammar so my submissions are most probrably illegal, but whatever it was fun to make

 

[Poper2166]

Miasmaw the metal jaw pokemon

Sword: Miasmaws metal jaw is so strong it can crush anything it uses it jaw only for defense

Shield: Miasmaws make nests in sewers they hunt many bug types in some cities they grew so much they alter the food chain

The shield entry should be based of invasive species

 

[JJslem]

Bice

Fixes

- Both entries fine, just a small suggestion or two:
- Maybe use more specific word than "chemical compound", which seems a little jarring when we know Miasmaw spews gas.
- Feels a little odd to have the Shield entry mention docileness when the Sword entry talks about it's battle capabilities. Maybe tweak the wording or context?

Airwind

Fixes

- Capitalize and spell "Pokémon" with the accent
SWORD
- Add apostrophe to "Miasmaws"
- Big run-on sentence, add a sentence break between "plantlife," and "one"
- You start the sentence with "one of the uses", but have two predicates
- Erase "with their massive maw", its unnecessary.
- Too long. Even by eliminating the above phrase it's still above the character limit
- Add ending punctuation
SHIELD
- Has no punctuation at all and is a big run-on
- Too long
- Not to be mean but it kind of doesn't make sense. There are too many ideas at play and they don't flow into each other.
- Like "Miasmaw is used in fumigations (how?) taking care of plantations (unclear that the fumigations are happening to the plantations) thanks to the natural gas they have eliminating plague of insects (ungrammatical, unclear that their gas is what eliminates pests) and thanks to the claws and tail protect it of bigger treats that can eat plants (ungrammatical and an unneeded detail).

JJslem

Fixes

SWORD
- Decapitalize "Fumes"
- Wrong 'it's'
- Run-on sentence, so introduce breaks
- Too long
- Odd to say "it is said", but then describe what I'm assuming to be a fact and not a supposition
- Missing an "as" between "soon" and "possible"
SHIELD
- Wrong 'it's'
- Too long
- "human" should be plural
- Remember to spell "Pokémon" with the accent, even in the species name

thank you for the notice

 

[LowenCraft]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Dragon Beetle Pokémon

Sword: If provoked, herds of Miasmaw would spray deadly gas onto the provoker.

Shield: The beetle and the dragon have 1 brain each. The dragon doesn't always follow the beetle's orders.

 

[Tommaniacal]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Dragon Mimic Pokémon

Sword: Over the course of millions of years, Miasmaw's tail evolved to imitate fearome Dragon-type Pokémon. It spews noxious gas to incapacitate enemy Pokémon.

Shield: If its gas isn't enough to stop its opponent, Miasmaw will build up pressure and blast them with enough force to shatter Iron.

 

[Shadowshocker]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Noxious Pokémon

Sword: Inhaling the gas produced by its tail causes symptoms that vary between people, including disorientation. Some claim it motivates the lazy and sluggish.

Shield: Chemical reactions in its abdomen create gases that leak from its draconic tail. It stuns prey with this putrid fog, then strikes with an almighty crunch.

Category could use a little work, but both entries focus on the gas. The Sword entry is a hint that it's not a good idea to smell the gas because you'd lose your ability, but suggests that the gas is also good because it neutralises the Truant (lazy) and Slow Start (sluggish) abilities. The Shield entry is a nod to Miasmaw's stat spread - it may be gas-based, but it's ultimately a biter fighter and its stats indicate so.

 

[CharSiuEmboar]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Nymph Pokémon

Sword: Miasmaw are voracious predators, equally happy to turn on their own kin if other prey is not readily available.

Shield: The pheromones released from the jaw-like pincers on Miasmaw's rear abdomen causes strong disorientation in their foes.

Reasoning: super-effective attacks against themselves, and Neutralizing Gas references in Sword and Shield respectively.

 

[G-Luke]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Bombardier Pokémon

Sword: Despite its menacing demeanor, Miasmaw is a timid Pokémon. Its "jaw" primarily serves as a deterrent to predators, and it only uses its potent gas as a last resort.

Shield: Miasmaw's tail houses two different chemicals. When it feels threatened, it mixes them together to form a crippling gas strong enough to knock out a Copperajah.

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I decided to lean away from the voracious predator angle everyone else was going for and decided to take more inspiration from its real life counterpart the Bombadier Beetle, who uses its spray as a defensive tool.

 

[dex]

WIP

Miasmaw, the Nymph Pokémon

Sword: Miasmaw are voracious predators, equally happy to turn on their own kin if other prey is not readily available.

Shield: The pheromones released from the jaw-like pincers on Miasmaw's rear abdomen causes strong disorientation in their foes.

Reasoning: super-effective attacks against themselves, and Neutralizing Gas references in Sword and Shield respectively.

I'm sorry but I'm having some trouble getting behind "the Nymph Pokemon" when Miasmaw doesn't seem very, uh, nymphlike to me.

 

[Jewvia]

To quote Wikipedia:

In biology, a nymph is the immature form of some invertebrates, particularly insects, which undergoes gradual metamorphosis (hemimetabolism) before reaching its adult stage.[1] Unlike a typical larva, a nymph's overall form already resembles that of the adult, except for a lack of wings (in winged species). In addition, while a nymph moults it never enters a pupal stage. Instead, the final moult results in an adult insect.[2] Nymphs undergo multiple stages of development called instars.

 

[G-Luke]

To quote Wikipedia:

Then would this not be more appropriate as the prevo description? Miasmaw is fully evolved.