Fishy
tits McGee (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
Thus far, I've been in three serious, long-term relationships. I was with my first boyfriend, my first real relationship for nearly a year, and there weren't really any jealousy issues, but there were insecurity issues. I learned a lot from that relationship, mostly that I should consider better who I'm going to have sex with (lost my virginity to him) and finding someone that I'm actually compatible with, rather than wanting to get with someone whom I thought was attractive and wanted the satisfaction of somehow getting them interested in me even though he had a girlfriend at the time.
I was actually really naive and hormonal in the beginning of high school, facing all of this new attention and interest from boys (i say all as if i was the apple of everyone's eye, i just didn't get this kind of attention at all in my previous 8 years of catholic schooling) and I was eager to get a boyfriend and that I could kiss and spend time with at my leisure.
ANYWAY, enough back story I guess, I started dating Dominic during the summer before my junior year of high school, not two weeks after Jordan (first boyfriend) and I had broken up. The thing with Dominic was was that he wasn't necessarily jealous about me, but he was constantly suspicious of me that I was either cheating or I had lied about how many guys I had been with before I started dating. This type of behavior from him showed up later in the relationship, like in the last 6 months of our 1.5 year-long relationship. Now, I never gave him any reason to be suspicious about me; I wanted to be at his side at all times like a love-sick puppy (a habit no girl should find themselves in, the guy will just start to take you for granted thinking that you'll always be there no matter what he may do wrong) and I was always too willing to be the one to come to him to hang out rather than he ever come and pick me up. He never met my full family, aside from my parents, and we dated a good 1.5 years. (ridiculous??)
SO, I later found out (and it allll came together) that he probably only was suspicious about me because he had cheated on me throughout those last 6 months, either with his ex-girlfriend of 4 years, his "friend" Samantha or this random girl Rachel that he disliked but apparently let suck his cock. Yeah, he was a gem.
My last boyfriend, Daniel, was extremely jealous. His constant reasoning behind it was "It's not you that I don't trust, it's other people." Yeah, a load of bullshit. The only person he should have been worrying about was me, as I was the only one who could control anything on my end, hypothetically. He shouldn't have felt the need to fight off the whole world just to keep something that didn't even want to leave him (and having worded that as I just did, I basically agree with CaptKirby in that people aren't property, and any type of serious jealousy that stems to this level like with Daniel is ridiculous). This was the one topic that Daniel and I always managed to circulate back to and fight over, and I always told him that if he felt this way he must not love me, but he constantly denied that and just kept going on and on about other people. In the last few months, things were really bad.
Anyone who knows me fairly well on here knows how much I love this community and the people in it, and how I've made some very close relationships with people here that I cherish as much as I would any friend that actually lives near me :)! The internet is both damning and amazing, and I love that I've networked from smogon to facebook to instant messaging clients and have kept in touch with my friends here for years, and I know that time count is only going to grow. Well, pretty much the climax of the end of our relationship was when I had planned on meeting a smogoner, and while at first Daniel was all right with it since I said, not only could he meet him, but I WANTED him to meet him, I wanted Daniel to experience my friend AS a human being, since he was one, just as any of us are! But, he couldn't get over his person-on-the-internet stigma and kept going on about "What if he's a rapist? A 40-year old dude? What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Basically, he broke up with me because I told him that I would be picking CAPTKIRBY up from the airport and that I wouldn't change my mind. Before that, Daniel made the "compromise" that 'I'll be friends with all your internet friends on facebook, but ONLY if you don't meet that guy.' Pretty contradictory, yeah?
So there is my life story--time to make a point of what I think.
I think really being "jealous" about anything involving your partner is dumb. If you love one another and trust one another, there shouldn't be any thoughts in your mind that you could lose each other to some third party. In basically my first/second relationships I would notice when a girl would eye my boyfriend or they would talk to some girl I didn't recognise; that's just a reaction I can't help. However, immediately afterward I would say to myself "If he cheats on me, then he's not good enough for me anyway." Sort of short and not so sweet, but it worked for me, and I was never the girlfriend to obsessively text my boyfriend asking where he was or why he was friends with some girl or why I wasn't number 1 in his top eight (like, really?). With Daniel, I was never jealous, not even close, and this of course didn't mean that I didn't care about him! I loved him to death, thought one day that I would marry him. I remember once instance where he told me (this was like, within the first 6 months of our relationship) that an old school-girl-friend was coming into town and wanted to have lunch with him, and I was perfectly fine with it, thinking again to myself "If he does anything, he's a piece of shit, so whatever." Reading that back to myself it sounds like a really just, dark thing to support myself with, but again, it worked! I didn't really think like that as things went on, but I knew that I was somehow always prepared to lose him if things did fall through, like just a cold reality-perspective that things aren't perfect or permanent.
JESUS, okay, tl;dr: Every person lives for themselves. They have their own lives to attend to, and if you're fortunate enough to find someone you love so much that mirrors your feelings, and you're able to entwine your life with theirs, then all you can do is compensate and communicate so that you two function in the best possible way with one another. You sort out problems, you alleviate any serious differences (problem-causing), but most of all, you compromise. You're attracted to different people because they're different, so you shouldn't feel that you need to change them to be happy. Gah, I want to say that you don't really create a relationship with someone, like you come together and think "okay we need to changes these things about ourselves and set these standards and yeah we'll be the perfect couple!" Rather, I feel like you come together and learn from one another, and through normal compatibility, communication, and subtle compromising, you find yourself to have grown into a beautiful coupling that is satisfying, loving, and in your eyes, perfect.
i don't even want to reread this because i don't even knowww what i'm talking about anymore gaaah
I was actually really naive and hormonal in the beginning of high school, facing all of this new attention and interest from boys (i say all as if i was the apple of everyone's eye, i just didn't get this kind of attention at all in my previous 8 years of catholic schooling) and I was eager to get a boyfriend and that I could kiss and spend time with at my leisure.
ANYWAY, enough back story I guess, I started dating Dominic during the summer before my junior year of high school, not two weeks after Jordan (first boyfriend) and I had broken up. The thing with Dominic was was that he wasn't necessarily jealous about me, but he was constantly suspicious of me that I was either cheating or I had lied about how many guys I had been with before I started dating. This type of behavior from him showed up later in the relationship, like in the last 6 months of our 1.5 year-long relationship. Now, I never gave him any reason to be suspicious about me; I wanted to be at his side at all times like a love-sick puppy (a habit no girl should find themselves in, the guy will just start to take you for granted thinking that you'll always be there no matter what he may do wrong) and I was always too willing to be the one to come to him to hang out rather than he ever come and pick me up. He never met my full family, aside from my parents, and we dated a good 1.5 years. (ridiculous??)
SO, I later found out (and it allll came together) that he probably only was suspicious about me because he had cheated on me throughout those last 6 months, either with his ex-girlfriend of 4 years, his "friend" Samantha or this random girl Rachel that he disliked but apparently let suck his cock. Yeah, he was a gem.
My last boyfriend, Daniel, was extremely jealous. His constant reasoning behind it was "It's not you that I don't trust, it's other people." Yeah, a load of bullshit. The only person he should have been worrying about was me, as I was the only one who could control anything on my end, hypothetically. He shouldn't have felt the need to fight off the whole world just to keep something that didn't even want to leave him (and having worded that as I just did, I basically agree with CaptKirby in that people aren't property, and any type of serious jealousy that stems to this level like with Daniel is ridiculous). This was the one topic that Daniel and I always managed to circulate back to and fight over, and I always told him that if he felt this way he must not love me, but he constantly denied that and just kept going on and on about other people. In the last few months, things were really bad.
Anyone who knows me fairly well on here knows how much I love this community and the people in it, and how I've made some very close relationships with people here that I cherish as much as I would any friend that actually lives near me :)! The internet is both damning and amazing, and I love that I've networked from smogon to facebook to instant messaging clients and have kept in touch with my friends here for years, and I know that time count is only going to grow. Well, pretty much the climax of the end of our relationship was when I had planned on meeting a smogoner, and while at first Daniel was all right with it since I said, not only could he meet him, but I WANTED him to meet him, I wanted Daniel to experience my friend AS a human being, since he was one, just as any of us are! But, he couldn't get over his person-on-the-internet stigma and kept going on about "What if he's a rapist? A 40-year old dude? What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Basically, he broke up with me because I told him that I would be picking CAPTKIRBY up from the airport and that I wouldn't change my mind. Before that, Daniel made the "compromise" that 'I'll be friends with all your internet friends on facebook, but ONLY if you don't meet that guy.' Pretty contradictory, yeah?
So there is my life story--time to make a point of what I think.
I think really being "jealous" about anything involving your partner is dumb. If you love one another and trust one another, there shouldn't be any thoughts in your mind that you could lose each other to some third party. In basically my first/second relationships I would notice when a girl would eye my boyfriend or they would talk to some girl I didn't recognise; that's just a reaction I can't help. However, immediately afterward I would say to myself "If he cheats on me, then he's not good enough for me anyway." Sort of short and not so sweet, but it worked for me, and I was never the girlfriend to obsessively text my boyfriend asking where he was or why he was friends with some girl or why I wasn't number 1 in his top eight (like, really?). With Daniel, I was never jealous, not even close, and this of course didn't mean that I didn't care about him! I loved him to death, thought one day that I would marry him. I remember once instance where he told me (this was like, within the first 6 months of our relationship) that an old school-girl-friend was coming into town and wanted to have lunch with him, and I was perfectly fine with it, thinking again to myself "If he does anything, he's a piece of shit, so whatever." Reading that back to myself it sounds like a really just, dark thing to support myself with, but again, it worked! I didn't really think like that as things went on, but I knew that I was somehow always prepared to lose him if things did fall through, like just a cold reality-perspective that things aren't perfect or permanent.
JESUS, okay, tl;dr: Every person lives for themselves. They have their own lives to attend to, and if you're fortunate enough to find someone you love so much that mirrors your feelings, and you're able to entwine your life with theirs, then all you can do is compensate and communicate so that you two function in the best possible way with one another. You sort out problems, you alleviate any serious differences (problem-causing), but most of all, you compromise. You're attracted to different people because they're different, so you shouldn't feel that you need to change them to be happy. Gah, I want to say that you don't really create a relationship with someone, like you come together and think "okay we need to changes these things about ourselves and set these standards and yeah we'll be the perfect couple!" Rather, I feel like you come together and learn from one another, and through normal compatibility, communication, and subtle compromising, you find yourself to have grown into a beautiful coupling that is satisfying, loving, and in your eyes, perfect.
i don't even want to reread this because i don't even knowww what i'm talking about anymore gaaah
