Online deaths

[Eraddd]

Actually this thread reminds me of a "Guildmate" that I kind of lost and found again.

We were in the same clan back when I played Maplestory. We were in a private server, and we were good friends (we all were good friends back then). Then it got shut down. Everyone went their separate ways, I never kept in contact with any of them =/ which I wish I had now.

I joined a bunch of random servers after that, but I lost interest quickly. I didn't know anyone there, and it was pretty stupid playing by yourself; the whole concept of maplestory is for the social aspect of it.

Then, a few weeks back, I suddenly was compelled to visit the last one I played. There, I realised that one of the mods was my good friend (with a slight name alteration, but the same anyways). There, I read about how she went homeless, went through a miscarriage, went through alcohol and drug abuse, and a shit ton of other problems. Made me think really hard. I don't know why, but I didn't reach out to her then. I'm not sure if she remembers me (This was around 3 years ago), and I honestly don't know what to do. The server itself is shut down, and I don't even know if she roams the forums anymore.

My two cents of the night.

 

[Cubed]

When I used to frequently edit the Yu-gi-oh wikia (Whatever you want to say about that I understand), there was another user called Danny Lithiborne. We weren't friends, but we were both frequent contributors, and I remember correcting some of his edits. Then in October this year, I remember reading he had died nine months earlier. Something about that always irks me. I know I didn't really know him personally, and other communities were hit much harder. I guess it's the idea that you know you talked to someone a couple of months before they're gone forever.

 

[ck49]

Im thankful Ive never had to experience a death. The only 2 deaths in my life happened at around the age of 4-5. My friend's brother, who was 6 months died, and at that age I really didn't get it. Later that year my great grandmother died, but I had only seen her a couple times when we visited India. My dad flew here for the funeral. I again really wasn't impacted. Im glad I have irl friends on smogon to say if I died. Hopefully that wont happen for Long time.

Gabe, your post brought tears to my eyes.

Im surprised so many people try to commit suicide. Maybe it happens more in college or maybe it happens less where I've lived. Either way, Im bracing myself since I hear about the suicide rates for people trying to get into college here in India, and I get scared that one of my classmates will be among that within the next few years.

Im probably listening to the worst possible song for this moment (somalia by K'naan). "When I try and sleep, I see coffins closing". It makes me think about all the people in war struck countries. They must see people die often. I really feel for them. There were quite a few Somalians in my school Iowa. They all immigrated from Somalia, or there parents did. Now I wonder if they had to go through this.

I suppose you just have to live life to the fullest. Every time I think about stuff like this (at a lower scale when applied to myself), I just tell my self "shit happens. Now what?". I guess thats what you have to do.

 

[Euphoria]

When people flame others I wonder does it make the person feel bad I started to think that when a boy in my country committed suicide because he was being cyber bullied in World of War craft, these kind of things are wrong almost everyone has a superiority complex when they feel they have more experience and a particular trade then someone else, they think they can insult them for being inferior to make themselves feel better because life in their opinion treated them or to achieve a higher status and acceptance into a community.

Please remember we are all are human after all when you are about o flame someone think about how would that make you feel before doing it I admit I get the urge to flame someone in the information and research thread because that is the area I truly excel at I am horrible at competitive battling admittedly but I try to stop myself I end up deleting the comment I made sooner or later because the guilt, my point is you should try to rephrase people's ignorance and help them improve in your trade not insult them for it that is when I see smogon fails becuase the users are typically in a young age.

But Off topic death of a forum member or any one in general is a sad ordeal I had thoughts of suicide like most young teenagers I abandon them when I was thinking how will my family and friends feel when I am gone if a forum died I would be one of the first ones to honor the member despite that fact If do not know who it is.

 

[chocolate-kipp]

Wow, you guys have it a lot worse than I do. O_o

I feel kind of odd since most you teenagers (most specifically Euphoria) have had suicidal thoughts, but I've had them since I was in fifth grade. Ten years is hardly the teens. :x I won't lie, I've grabbed the knife before while emptying the dishwasher. Was gonna slash my throat. Then I was too scared. About what would happen to everyone that knew me when I was gone. Them not even knowing I have any sadness issues (not saying depression since it's a diagnosis). I cry whenever I think about doing it, so I can't imagine what would happen if I actually went through with it. I also remember that several other people have it worse than I do (Gabe is one of them I cried while reading your post ffff), and that keeps me going because they can usually do okay.

I've also thought I was going to die several times. One of those wasn't exactly serious though. We went to some amusement park and there was a ride called The Spider. My sister and I went on and it went up and down and spun all around so many times. We were both afraid of heights, and she was afraid of spiders and the bar that kept us in seemed horribly loose. At one point we were nearly upside-down and I thought we were gonna fall out. It was horrible when it stopped while we were at the top all tilted.

That was probably off-topic since it's not an online thing but still.

 

[Sarenji]

This reminds me of when I was a regular member of the GamingW forums, and one of the friends I'd made there and on the IRC channel passed away. Bit of a shock to me, still think about them from time to time.

Was he Steel? I didn't visit GamingW very much, but I followed his thread very closely. He was one of the lifelines of the community, like Doug is to Smogon. I talked to him once. He had cancer at 23. And when he died, when I read every reaction, when I read his letter, I really cried. He was an incredible guy. He wanted to help people and leave behind a legacy. For me, he did.

 

[yiran]

I probably have more suicidal thoughts than all of you.

Last year, I was blamed by almost every staff and student of the school for "touching" a girl, but I didn't. Needless to say, the headmaster didn't believe me. They were asking for me to see a therapist in order to continue at the school, but my dad denied it. On the school bus, I was also bullied by this kid in my year. He has influenced every junior school kid to say "Ewwwww" whenever I get on the bus. He beat me up, bumped his laptop into my mouth causing a bleed and told the bus monitor that I was biting his laptop. I told my mom but she just didn't sort it out, and I survived until the end of the school year as he left the school. The junior kids were still saying ew, even now. And earlier this year, I was bullied by another boy in school. He was in my every class except for maths, and whenever he got the chance to he called me bad stuff, including swear words. I told my mom, and this time she took action and phoned the deputy head master, and while that boy still says names to me now and then, I just simply tell the teacher and he goes into a great deal of trouble again.

I was like standing on the windowsill of my window. I am a really weak person. If a friend of mine died right now, I would probably suicide.

As for death itself; I've only experienced two deaths, both of my grandfathers. My father side grandfather was when I was small - at the funeral, I got a fever and was sent outside, so I didn't really get to the part with all the mourning. However, on my mother side grandfather, it was just a few months ago. I cried. My mother has got over it already.

If I died, no one on Smogon would know. You would just probably remember me as "the guy who doesn't know what fapping is" and just not care. I don't have any real life friends on Smogon except for this person who probably, according to his personality, would not announce my death here. And I don't particularly care about this.

And although not to a big extent, I did have suicidal thoughts because of smogon. I'm not going to be too specific here, though.

 

[Gabe]

I probably have more suicidal thoughts than all of you.

It's not a contest. And I kind of doubt that. Whatever happened to you isn't that bad IMO.

 

[Gabe]

While I can't imagine what it's like to WATCH your best friend die (or even attend the funeral), I'd have to disagree that it's not worth the pain of not being close to people. I understand where you're coming from though - my own family has done that to me through the years: ignoring me at reunions, my niece actually drew blood on me once, and my dad's sister even said "these are [dad's name]'s kids" at a post-funeral reception (while I was sitting right behind her, no less.) I never see them, so it doesn't really bother me anymore.

I will, however, say this: if you run into the people you can consider your friends, you'll know. I'm happy for every moment I've gotten to spend with mine.

Well, it's not totally that reason. The rest of my friends betrayed me and hurt me so bad, it was at the point where I was being threatened daily with death threats and violence against my family and I just broke down. I couldn't take it anymore, I just wanted to die. I hated everyone and didn't want to see anyone again. I kind of dropped out of school (I was supposed to get home-schooling but the school never transferred me) and I wound up losing a lot of credits and having to go to a continuation school, even though I'm very academically inclined. And I know not all people are like those that hurt me, but part of me feels like I can't take that chance. The other part of me just feels like I can't replace my best friend, and if I do he's really gone. I get fucking scared that I'll forget his voice.

 

[Youngster]

Sometimes people e-die because they want something different... or simply being bored with that site/ persons/ forums.

Tbh, I've died in some places, but in others continue alive or have(ing) my "phoenix momment" (like in Pokémon game itself, for example).

 

[Charmed]

Groshi, I urge you to speak to a professional or someone that you feel that you can trust. Suicidal thoughts are extremely volatile and that, at the moment, is the best of words that my mind can think of to explain it, without it getting to the even more real and glaring truth.

Gabe, your last lines really strike me because I can understand that. To forget your own friend's voice after he passed, whether or not you get close to people, is an unnerving feeling. And maybe it's just the thought of feeling happy that scares us.

 

[alamaster]

@ Jackal

Apparently Warthog was online sometime in November 2010 and I did see flameout on netbattle the beginning of this year or so. Bugsy not sure about, but no need to assume the worst :)

 

[comatthew6]

If I died, no one on Smogon would know. You would just probably remember me as "the guy who doesn't know what fapping is" and just not care. I don't have any real life friends on Smogon except for this person who probably, according to his personality, would not announce my death here. And I don't particularly care about this.

Bitch, please. I don't have ANY IRL smogonite friends, and my real friends barely even give half a rat's ass about me. I once cried myself to sleep telling myself that I was expendable and replaceable. The latter, fortunately, was a long long time ago, and I've made a full self-recovery. I'm actually quite the happy teen, now.

Also, you should probably see someone to help with your embarrassment/depression. You should try fapping. It takes a lot of stress off, and obviously feels very nice.

 

[norulz]

OT, obviously the old users remember JeffroBaggins' feigned death and subsequent return, and I remember there was quite a bit of support for him at the time.

i remember this all too well, 'his brother' made a thread about him dying at the hospital from salmonella, everyone believed it and people were pretty upset, including me

knowing you won't come back to a forum for a considerable amount of time and faking your death, what an inconsiderate turd

 

[cim]

can this thread not turn into a suicide pissing contest please i really liked the subject matter...

 

[locopoke]

all this thread has done is remind me of a bunch of users who have inexplicably disappeared...

gormenghast, warthog, flameout, sanders, bugsy23, etc etc i could go on forever.

sure most of them are probably just chilling somewhere but to think one of them could be dead I don't know it just kinda numbing. I want to talk to them all again :(

someone by the name of gormenghast was on the PO server on the night it went public but it could've been an impersonator or simply somebody else with that username.

 

[Jackal]

It's not that I think any one of them are dead, it is just the fact that they could be and i wouldn't know. You would know within a few days (hours?) if anyone you ever knew IRL died, but it is different with the internet.

 

[gorgie]

well chaos mentioned something about bugsy posting some stuff on fb about a month back or so, on IRC, so I'm assuming he's okay.

As for me, I'd most definitely want the community to be aware of my passing. I've been here for a quite a while, and even though I might not [be/have been] as actively into the community as I could [be/have been], you guys have played a huge part in my overall development as a person over the time I've been here. Having some closure in the event of my death is the least I could ask for, especially in regards to those here that I've become great friends and acquaintances with.

 

[drcossack]

Bitch, please. I don't have ANY IRL smogonite friends, and my real friends barely even give half a rat's ass about me. I once cried myself to sleep telling myself that I was expendable and replaceable. The latter, fortunately, was a long long time ago, and I've made a full self-recovery. I'm actually quite the happy teen, now.

You're what, 16? Don't worry about it. The people you know in high school? After graduation, you won't ever see them again (for the most part.) I'll still see some of the people from my graduating class even now, but it might be every 6 months or so; after 6 years, it just doesn't happen often.

As I said in my other post: "if you run into the people you can consider your friends, you'll know. I'm happy for every moment I've gotten to spend with mine." Sappy or not, it's true. While I may not be close friends with all of them, the people I met in college definitely made those years worth it. I just wish I had learned that sooner, as I'd have made more of an effort to stay in touch with the guys who had graduated/transferred.

 

[Deco]

On another forum, I have a lot of friends I also see a lot IRL, and some of them know my family as well... so if I were to drop dead for some reason, they would know. But I guess that's easier when living in a small country like the Netherlands - a three-hour train ride and you've gone from one end to the other. I guess they'd come to my funeral as well, although we never really talked about it.

There's a guy on that same forum who died earlier this year, from leukemia. I didn't know him very well, but on his last evening, he posted a topic explaining why we would never see him post again. It was kind of a shock, really, and the thread has been a sticky ever since. But hey, at least we're sure what happened and everyone could say something about it as they wished...

I guess no Smogonite would ever find out if I died, but it's not as if I know anyone around here, so meh.

 

[Alan]

Was he Steel? I didn't visit GamingW very much, but I followed his thread very closely. He was one of the lifelines of the community, like Doug is to Smogon. I talked to him once. He had cancer at 23. And when he died, when I read every reaction, when I read his letter, I really cried. He was an incredible guy. He wanted to help people and leave behind a legacy. For me, he did.

i didnt know the guy at all and i almost cried fuck.

 

[Navy]

Was he Steel? I didn't visit GamingW very much, but I followed his thread very closely. He was one of the lifelines of the community, like Doug is to Smogon. I talked to him once. He had cancer at 23. And when he died, when I read every reaction, when I read his letter, I really cried. He was an incredible guy. He wanted to help people and leave behind a legacy. For me, he did.

I literally read about 100 pages of his topic. And wow bro, that hit me for a minute, especially this part.

I'm a friend of Amark's. I lived in the same dorm with the guy and have known him since sophmore year of college. The first time I met Amark was in the lounge of my dorm, an RA was putting on a program down there and in the middle of the program Amark started spouting out some Mitch Hedburg lines. Everyone there thought he was crazy. But I soon started spouting off some Hedburg lines back at him. That's when I knew that I've met a great friend. A friend that didn't really care about normality and niceties.

Throughout my time with him he pulled me through doubts about life, job losses, breakups, and a slew of other problems. The man had a way of telling you the honest truth in both a comforting and visceral way. He cared about each and everyone in such a deep way that I can't even fathom. And Amark was just so god damn intelligent. I'm in here stumbling upon my words, while Amark could pull out poetry without even having to press the backspace key. I always admired how he could talk to you about anything, no subject was off limits. There was no fear of crossing a boundary with Amark.

I was there last night along with a couple of his other friends and his family when he passed. He was in a coma for his last few hours and we were told he could hear everything we were saying. So we told countless stories about how much Amark has changed our lives. The man is an inspiration. I know I would be a much more passive guy, letting the world pull me down, if it wasn't for him. He has taught me, no matter what to be yourself, fight, and really take no shit from anyone. When he did finally pass away you could tell that he was calm and at peace.

Amark always would talk about gamingworld and how much he loved you guys and I'm glad to see how much you all care about him.

 

[DM]

someone by the name of gormenghast was on the PO server on the night it went public but it could've been an impersonator or simply somebody else with that username.

I don't know why Gorm continues to be mentioned, he's fine. I see him post on Facebook all the time. The same goes for akuchi, she's FINE.

As for me, I am friends on Facebook with a large amount of Smogoners, so I have no doubt that if anything were to happen to me, it would be well-known here. And that honestly makes me feel better about the idea of death, because like Floppy said, Smogon (and its people) mean a hell of a lot to me.

I have often wondered about online friends dying. I don't like to be morbid, but every once in a while I just think: "Whatever happened to that person?" Back before you could keep track of everyone through social networking, it really was guesswork. I'm sure I have had e-friends that died, unfortunately I don't know for sure.

Except for Judgement, that's fucking awful. He is one of those posters that just stopped posting one day and I figured he had moved on in life and left Smogon. Reading that news article was like a punch in the gut.

 

[Badal]

Same here, thank lords I have irl friends who will tell you guys if I die. Though I have some of you added on facebook so that too. This thread is an extremely good one at it, it makes me think about how precious friends are and how important they are in life. I have a very good online friend- Earthworm. Its hard to imagine how I would react when he dies. I've only dealt with death a couple of times, closest to me being my dog, who has lived with me for 14 years

 

[TEA_DEMON]

I think the worst thing about "online death" is the complete absence of certainty. There's no way to know if the person simply got tired of whatever place and quit without notice or died or is in the hospital. And, if they do die, there's no sense of finality. Maybe they'll come back and post again someday, maybe they won't.

Yeah this is easily the worst part about the whole thing. I know of a few people I haven't seen for a while, and can't help but think death is entirely possible.