I've been wanting to write an entertainment article for awhile and brainstorming ideas is rather difficult. I think I've got something that I can write about, that being the new Pokemon Contest Spectaculars in ORAS in a theorymon/speculative fashion. Normally when I submit an article for The Player, for instance, I like to write some of it out so that not only I but you get a good feel for what I'll be writing. I've learned this works better than me creating a plan I'm not even sure I'll be able to execute.
draft submission -> basically what's on my mind in no particular order
To no-one's surprise, contests are returning in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire but as every slogan goes, they're "better than ever!" Contests are being replaced by the "Pokemon Contest Spectacular," a culture that reintroduces the original contest system with endless changes that will inevitably be hit-or-miss in the end. We should learn to expect this kind of thing from GameFreak by now, right? And as with every new feature in a Pokemon game, we're going to preemptively analyze what little information we have to death in order to form a hypothesis beforehand. Said hypothesis is likely to ruin our enjoyment of the feature when the games are released, but that's the fun part!
The Cosplay Pikachu
Remember the fabled Surfing Pikachu that everyone scoffed at until it was proven through Stadium that it was feasible to obtain? Well, legally since GameShark was a real gamechanger for everyone, especially when it came to GameBoy Advance Pokemon games. A new spin has been added to Pikachu, and contests, and that is the Cosplay Pikachu. At first glance, it just looks like Yaya Han's Pikachu escaped captivity, but it's actually a new form of Pikachu that adores participating in contests. By that I mean its costumes have been endowed with some high-tech modification that allows it to use different attacks depending on the outfit. I mean, Yaya Han can do that too; that explains her ability to use Captivate to win all of her contests, it has nothing to do with her cleavage.
Regardless of whatever wizard of a scientist developed the outfits, they're all unique in that they grant Pikachu a different move. Upon inspection of each garb you find each one is rather ludicrous in some respect, but Pikachu is still cute as the dickens. Moves in contests can now stack with certain other moves to appeal to the crowd even better. Let's take a few moments to analyze these outfits, what magical powers they grant, and how we think they might pair up with other things in Pikachu's arsenal.
draft submission -> basically what's on my mind in no particular order
To no-one's surprise, contests are returning in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire but as every slogan goes, they're "better than ever!" Contests are being replaced by the "Pokemon Contest Spectacular," a culture that reintroduces the original contest system with endless changes that will inevitably be hit-or-miss in the end. We should learn to expect this kind of thing from GameFreak by now, right? And as with every new feature in a Pokemon game, we're going to preemptively analyze what little information we have to death in order to form a hypothesis beforehand. Said hypothesis is likely to ruin our enjoyment of the feature when the games are released, but that's the fun part!
The Cosplay Pikachu
Remember the fabled Surfing Pikachu that everyone scoffed at until it was proven through Stadium that it was feasible to obtain? Well, legally since GameShark was a real gamechanger for everyone, especially when it came to GameBoy Advance Pokemon games. A new spin has been added to Pikachu, and contests, and that is the Cosplay Pikachu. At first glance, it just looks like Yaya Han's Pikachu escaped captivity, but it's actually a new form of Pikachu that adores participating in contests. By that I mean its costumes have been endowed with some high-tech modification that allows it to use different attacks depending on the outfit. I mean, Yaya Han can do that too; that explains her ability to use Captivate to win all of her contests, it has nothing to do with her cleavage.
Regardless of whatever wizard of a scientist developed the outfits, they're all unique in that they grant Pikachu a different move. Upon inspection of each garb you find each one is rather ludicrous in some respect, but Pikachu is still cute as the dickens. Moves in contests can now stack with certain other moves to appeal to the crowd even better. Let's take a few moments to analyze these outfits, what magical powers they grant, and how we think they might pair up with other things in Pikachu's arsenal.
The Pikachu Rock Star sports the edgiest leather jacket since Steven Tyler and the weirdest yet somehow pretty cool fur neck... thing. I don't think anyone's quite sure where it's going with that. And finally its eyebrows that somehow defy gravity are probably the main reason Pikachu Rock Star's design was approved. If you stare hard enough, they're actually quite reminiscent of Fennekin, don't you think? No? Maybe not. This form gets Meteor Mash, which is most definitely a shout to the heavy metal style of music this Pikachu would be playing, given Meteor Mash's Steel typing. What even is that attack? I'm pretty sure Pikachu's already tiny fist will just glow, and then what? Unless it pulls a guitar out of that neck scruff and sets it on fire, I don't think there'll be much appeal going on.
The Pikachu Belle has an uncanny resemblance to Betsy Ross, minus the creation of a national flag. Belle is most definitely wearing a bonnet but the odd configuration extending beyond that is questionable at best. This outfit's monstrous pettycoats somehow give it the ability to conjure ice in the form of Icicle Crash. It's quite an unnerving thought, what goes on underneath those layers to make this move possible, but it happens and nobody's stopping it. Why is nobody stopping it? Icicle Crash will probably pair quite well with another Electric-type attack under Pikachu's belt such as Thunderbolt to make the ice shimmer and sparkle.
The Pikachu Pop Star was taken straight out of a Japanese game show. Literally. Just look at its eyes, and that embarrassingly short skirt - what if it's a male Pikachu? I'm scared what might be lurking underneath if someone launches a Tailwind in the wrong direction. Anyway, this outfit gives Pikachu Draining Kiss. If it's anything like how Sylveon uses this move in the anime, those enormous pink splotches - did Pikachu get a make-up tutorial from Willam Belli? - will come alive and sap the life straight out of the other contestants. I don't know how this bodes for move combinations... Perhaps use of Charge beforehand will turn Draining Kiss into something reminiscent of Adventure Time, effectively turning Pikachu Pop Star into a soul-sucking monster. Unlikely, but this is GameFreak we're talking about.
The Pikachu Ph.D has a lot going on, and it's all pretty straightforward. Obviously this outfit tells a story; Pikachu had a life-long goal of going to college and earning its Ph.D in, I don't know, astrophysics.
But nothing ever worked out in Pikachu's favor, and when he (or she, the gender is neither here or nor there at this point) failed his last exam, he went on a rampage. This resulted in the theft of a mortarboard, labcoat belonging to a brutally assaulted fellow collegiate, and Chobin's glasses, all done with the most sinister of smirks. Or maybe he was just outraged at the new hairdo he got at the Lumiose salon. I would be, too, if I was stuck with side braids and a stiff fringe. This troubled child's pent up anger has resulted in its move being Electric Terrain. This powers up Electric-type attacks so maybe it'll be a nice excuse to use a Thunderbolt to the high heavens.
The Pikachu Libre has all the makings of the next Jack Black circa Nacho Libre. The oversized pants, the crop top; it's all there. It also resembles Ray Mysterio, and it's no surprise that the new move available is Flying Press. Actually it is kind of a surprise because I can't imagine what would pair well with an attack in which Pikachu basically slams itself into the ground. Maybe Volt Tackle? But then we're really going overboard on the field destruction. We're aiming to APPEAL, GameFreak, not terrify.
other things to snarkily analyze:
The Pikachu Belle has an uncanny resemblance to Betsy Ross, minus the creation of a national flag. Belle is most definitely wearing a bonnet but the odd configuration extending beyond that is questionable at best. This outfit's monstrous pettycoats somehow give it the ability to conjure ice in the form of Icicle Crash. It's quite an unnerving thought, what goes on underneath those layers to make this move possible, but it happens and nobody's stopping it. Why is nobody stopping it? Icicle Crash will probably pair quite well with another Electric-type attack under Pikachu's belt such as Thunderbolt to make the ice shimmer and sparkle.
The Pikachu Pop Star was taken straight out of a Japanese game show. Literally. Just look at its eyes, and that embarrassingly short skirt - what if it's a male Pikachu? I'm scared what might be lurking underneath if someone launches a Tailwind in the wrong direction. Anyway, this outfit gives Pikachu Draining Kiss. If it's anything like how Sylveon uses this move in the anime, those enormous pink splotches - did Pikachu get a make-up tutorial from Willam Belli? - will come alive and sap the life straight out of the other contestants. I don't know how this bodes for move combinations... Perhaps use of Charge beforehand will turn Draining Kiss into something reminiscent of Adventure Time, effectively turning Pikachu Pop Star into a soul-sucking monster. Unlikely, but this is GameFreak we're talking about.
The Pikachu Ph.D has a lot going on, and it's all pretty straightforward. Obviously this outfit tells a story; Pikachu had a life-long goal of going to college and earning its Ph.D in, I don't know, astrophysics.
But nothing ever worked out in Pikachu's favor, and when he (or she, the gender is neither here or nor there at this point) failed his last exam, he went on a rampage. This resulted in the theft of a mortarboard, labcoat belonging to a brutally assaulted fellow collegiate, and Chobin's glasses, all done with the most sinister of smirks. Or maybe he was just outraged at the new hairdo he got at the Lumiose salon. I would be, too, if I was stuck with side braids and a stiff fringe. This troubled child's pent up anger has resulted in its move being Electric Terrain. This powers up Electric-type attacks so maybe it'll be a nice excuse to use a Thunderbolt to the high heavens.
The Pikachu Libre has all the makings of the next Jack Black circa Nacho Libre. The oversized pants, the crop top; it's all there. It also resembles Ray Mysterio, and it's no surprise that the new move available is Flying Press. Actually it is kind of a surprise because I can't imagine what would pair well with an attack in which Pikachu basically slams itself into the ground. Maybe Volt Tackle? But then we're really going overboard on the field destruction. We're aiming to APPEAL, GameFreak, not terrify.
other things to snarkily analyze:
- return of the pokeblocks and why poffins are (probably) so much better
- mega evolution and why it'll (probably) ruin contests
- maybe photos and fans and how cool they (probably) won't be
